Thread: A random essay from a possibly insane person

When I was younger I used to enjoy smoking the weed. My friends and I would smoke a little and for some reason, we would get all goofy and do crazy stuff. It seemed like the magic tobacco freed us to act like a fool and it was alright. I would laugh hysterically for no reason. But isn’t that why people smoke it, to be able to relax and laugh for no reason.

And then when I was in my 20’s, I was a heavier smoker. I would be under the influence of the weed all day for months straight. It was a rare occasion that I wasn’t. But then it stopped being fun and the laughing wasn’t there anymore. I lived every moment of my life high. I would even be high right before I walked in the door to my job. I was a cook for a crappy restaurant, and I would chew weed stems while I worked. Everyone knew what they were and that I was high. It didn’t matter though, because it seemed like I handled it pretty well.

Before I turned 30 though, I realized that I was over examining everything way too much. I don’t know how long I was doing it before I realized I was doing it. Then it got to the point that every time I smoked I felt like I just wanted to hide from everything and everyone. I couldn’t smoke around people any more; I wanted to crawl under a side walk so no one could see me. So I decided to lay off the weed for a while. The first few weeks of not being high were bad. I would sit in my living room and have vivid hallucinations that were so real, it was like I was in the same room as the people and they were talking about me. Like an out of body experience, but I was sitting in my room wide awake. It was so hard to get through life in general, like I was walking through a river of tar.

I’m going to be 40 in less than a month; I haven’t smoked in almost 10 years. The over examining thing is still with me. It separates me from almost everyone I know. It’s hard to tell crazy actions from sane actions. I see things so much differently than other people. I look at other people and what they do, how they react to a situation, and I don’t understand their way of thinking. But it seems like the common actions of people are the same. I don’t have the same way of thinking, and I always credit myself for having a better education or having a higher maturity level. But if most people all see things the same way, that it’s OK to behave a certain way, is that the normal way of life? Am I the wrong for thinking the way I do? I can’t lower myself and interact like I’m just a mere mortal.

Lol I was high while reading this.

I just don't get it. It's like everyone is taking a crap on the side walk like it's a normal every day thing. And I'm standing there looking at them like, what is wrong with you, don't you understand that it's not normal to do that.

haha .. I wonder if dogs think that when we walk them

LOL, you're missing my point entirely. But thanks. Have some +rep on me.